Hardships Equals Happiness

Yes, you read that right and no, I'm not a masochist.

For now, the struggles I face when I write are the things that make me very happy. Why? Because I just found them.

Sometimes in life, you just plain don't know what you want to do. Enjoy the confusion and indecisiveness if it's just for a few hours or just for the day or two, but be afraid when it's for your future. Be very afraid.

When I graduated from university, I found myself to be...numb. Yes, I suppose that's the word. I graduated the earliest among the rest of my year; not because I was smart or whatever, but because I just wanted it to be over as quick as possible. I don't know exactly when I started to hate my major, but it didn't outright hate it when I enrolled. I didn't love it, too, to be honest, or even like it. I just...had nothing else in mind. (FYI, this is the worst set of mind for entering college or university) My parents "suggested" this thing to me, but I don't want to blame anyone but myself, not anymore.

Then like most people in planet Earth, I find a job. I get up in the morning, go to work, go home, sleep. Repeat. I really, really hate what I do I want to die (okay, exaggeration, but I'm really, really miserable). But one night, when I was contemplating on what to do with my life, an idea came to me. It was 2 a.m., but I got up and I started to write. And I was like...where the hell have you been?! Why didn't I think of you sooner?!

And that's why hardships = happiness. Finally I find something that I'm passionate about that even the troubling part sounds exciting. Finally I can dedicate myself to it, although like I mentioned in my first post, I'm doing it secretly at night.

I'm sure as the months pass into years, I'll view it in a different light, but for now, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I've also read quite a lot of posts in which writers or aspiring writers list the woes of becoming a writer. (Wow, a lot of "writer" in one sentence) Here are some of it, taken from Leslie Leyland Fields' post:

1. You will see too much...as in you will find some profound meaning to every situation that presented itself to you. Me: Read my bio. I'm already an overthinker; not much change there.                                                                                                                                                             
2. You'll lose a lot of sleep. Me: Dark circles? Who cares?                                                                  
3. You'll give away your privacy. Me: I believe people who actually have experienced it are the ones who write the best stories. Having said that, I'm still skittish to truly use my own exact experiences in my writing. I'm working on this one.                                                                          
4. You will read for pleasure less and you will like fewer books. Me: Thankfully I can still read for pleasure, but when I finish, overthinker that I am, I will analyze and dissect it to learn the tricks of the trade. This also helps to let me know my style of writing.                                             
5. You will spend far more money than you make. Me: In an ideal world, I don't really care if I make money off of my writing. But of course there is no such world, even in books as a lot of us may already know, so I keep my day job. Blegh.

P.S. I've written 64kB worth of words (after rewriting it at least ten times), and I don't have a title yet. That's not much, but it's a start! :)

Hello!

First let me introduce myself. I'm Monica, feel free to shorten it to Mon. I'm 25 and I'm leading a double life. Or triple. I'm one person during the day, another at night, and another one during Tuesdays (currently it is Tuesdays).

Have I confuse you yet? LOL.

This blog is dedicated to the night version of myself, a version that I hope I can be even during the day and Tuesdays. That version is the one where I call myself an author or a writer.

So yes, this blog will feature the ups and downs of my amateur writing process, if anyone's interested in that. (Note: Please be interested in it, I'm hoping to generate an audience for when my book is actually released)

I once read the Writing Tips from Veronica Roth at the back of the Divergent novel. At that time, I've already begun writing. In there she wrote: STAGE ONE: Word Vomit.

And I laughed.

I have managed to break even the first rule.

What I do is I edit. Even until now. I don't know why I get the idea that most writers will condemn this type of behavior, but that's what I think, and yet I still do it. I just feel that if I'm not happy with it, neither will my readers. Right? And I suppose everyone has their own style.

Speaking of my readers, for now I should actually called it "my reader." Singular. There is just one person who knows about the night version of myself, and this person also knows about the day version and the Tuesdays version. How very awesome this person must be. I love you, person. And she said she loves my book! The part that I let her read, at least. She said it's full of suspense and makes her wants to read more. So I'm hopeful!

Oh, I should also tell you what my book is about. (Duh.) But I can only tell you what it's NOT about, because I keep editing and rewriting it. It's not about vampires or zombies, but it is fantasy. So for you who are somewhat bored with vampires and zombies and the likes but still expect a little bit of magic in your life, please gather round. I promise you won't be disappointed.

I think I should stop here for my first post. Want to guess how many times I edited this post? LOL.